· a) Does the submission account for influences the author has developed in their

own learning, in the learning of others and in the learning of social formations?

These criteria have been met in most respects. I am wondering if you might think about and share what you learned about yourself through the process-you do reveal your renewed passion in writing that emerged from the project. Are there others?

· b) The submissions should reveal a desire to bring (at least some of) the values of,

for example, love, freedom, justice, compassion, courage, care and democratic

evaluation more fully into the world.

While I think this desire is inherent in the writing and research, I'm wondering if you might be more explicit.

· c) In what ways might your own experiences and insights be brought to bear in

· order to enhance the submission in some way?

My own experience is with videotaping real life people and places. I find the animation removes the energy-flowing values that reveal themselves in people's faces, bodies and interactions. I do have not solution for that. Do you?

In Living Educational Theory research we aim for originality and creativity in forms and processes that reflect the real lived experiences of authors. Yours certainly attains that goal!!!

There are a few editing issues that I could send you by email, if you like.

Thanks for sharing your knowledge. Best wishes,

Jackie

Emma you have started the paper with a title Context:, which is fine but I as a reader do not understand where it ends, moreover there are no other headings? You either need to remove this heading or insert other headings.

Toward the end of page 2, the paragraph beginning ‘As an educator…..’ you have introduced an interesting topic ‘critical pedagogy’. I am of the opinion that you have not explained it well. Here I do not mean the length or word numbers. I would like to read about your understanding and your engagement with ‘critical pedagogy’ in-depth. Why is it that you admire Freire, Mclaren and Giroux works? You are introducing three celebrated authors and their concepts without giving a comprehensive reason as to why they are being introduced and what is the importance of their work to you?

Pg 3 you have quoted from Freire. It should be in italics beginning and end with a single quotation mark or if you wish double quotation mark. When documenting a specific quotation, you omit the end punctuation (period, exclamation mark, question mark), put the close quote mark, and then add a parenthesis with the citation. After the citation, you will close the sentence with a period/ full stop. See this example:

‘One of the violences perpetrated by illiteracy is the suffocation of the consciousness and expressiveness of men and women who are forbidden from reading and writing, thus limiting their capacity to write about their reading of the world so they can rethink their original reading of it. Even if illiteracy does not wipe out the socially created relationships between language, thought, and reality, it is a handicap that becomes an obstacle to achieving full citizenship’ (Freire, cited in Bertrand, 1998, p.93).

The quote on pg 4 from the Minister of Education’s letter is a long one. If you choose to use a long quotation then you should indent the quotation one inch on either side and italicize it. The quotation should end with a punctuation mark and quotation mark.

This suggestion hold true for all quotes in your paper, when they are in italics it is easier to read and recognise that they are quotes. The formatting of the following is incorrect. ‘equip students with analytical skills to be self-reflective about the knowledge and values they confront in classrooms.’ (Giroux, 2010) (Crotty 2009)

It should be-

‘equip students with analytical skills to be self-reflective about the knowledge and values they confront in classrooms’ (Giroux, 2010: p ; also see Crotty, 2009).

On page 3- paragraph beginning

This interplay between literacy and citizenship…. The use of parenthesis for…(the standard length of time for a single tuition class period).

My own training occurred some years after I started to …. It was not possible, however, to gain permanent employment in the voluntary (mainly religious) education system without the qualification.

Anecdotally, it has been suggested that this clause and other restrictive practices (for example, recommending a student engage in the more vocational school finishing exam, the Leaving Certificate Applied, when it is not offered in the school or, recommending that another school has superior special needs provision and would be a better choice for a child) are used to restrict access to certain schools.

Emma, I believe that in a paper like this or in other scholastic papers you have to judicious when using brackets and /or parenthesis. Use parentheses ( ) to include material that you want to de-emphasize or that would not normally fit into the flow of your text but you want to include nonetheless. If the material is important enough, use some other means of including it within your text — even if it means writing another sentence. This true for your whole document. Please check and re-write.

Equipping students, particularly marginalised students with these skills allows them to read the world in a way that is their own creation, and to take ownership of their position within the world and within their own education….

Too many ‘ands’. You could write two sentences or remove one ‘and’.

Page 4 References

In this way vocational schools, which are non-denominational, can have a concentration of students of non-Catholic background……

Sue Cowley (2003) and Bill Rogers (2006(a) and (b)),

should be written-

Cowley (2003) and Roger (2006a and 2006b)

You have sometimes used & and sometimes ‘and’ in your document. Please follow one pattern.

On page 4 last paragraph you write

I felt that it was irrational to expect trainee teachers to be critical thinkers in the area of classroom management when they were trying to cope with such an intense workload. It was my experience that physical and mental reserves were exhausted meeting the ‘day to day’ demands of planning…

This is an argument all teachers put forward, not only ones who are trainees. I believe that a far-reaching transformation in ones classroom practice can be achieved by practicing critical thinking. The trouble about skills like critical thinking, creative thinking and even effective communication skills is that they are all learned skills. Importantly, they have to be practised too.

At the end of page 5 you have suddenly written about creating a video. I believe this idea needs an introduction as it is the most important aspect of your paper.

Also you have written about ‘the masters programme’ and elsewhere you have written ‘Masters’. All have to be written in capitals.

Page 6

The theme you introduce on page 6 – ‘pedagogy of the unique’ (Farren, 2006)’ may be worth discussing further otherwise as your reader, I am left wondering what is it exactly you are try to get at. Moreover, you have discussed again in the document without a greater debate or explanation. You need to integrate it in your work. Emma, I can read Farren but I want to know your viewpoint on it, remember it is your paper on your learning.

Similarly, I would like your understanding and explanation of ‘a self-study action research approach’. Moreover I suggest that you add the lines-

When I had the opportunity to embark on my research and create a video, it made sense for me to employ a self-study action research approach.

To the paragraph-

For the practical development of the video I used the Carr and Kemmis model of plan, act, observe, reflect and revise.

I find reading ‘however, and’ together a bit uncomfortable, why not two sentences?

The practical development of the video cannot be divorced from my ‘pedagogy of the unique’, however, and the decisions that affected the development of the final video are the product of my values made evident in my practice.

There is one more such instance on page 7 last paragraph

Page 6 continued-

The quote from Whitehead should be in italics then your addition [attempting to improve practice] will be clear.

Whitehead (1989) states that ‘a systematic reflection on such a process [attempting to improve practice] provides insights into the nature of the descriptions and explanations which we would accept as valid accounts of our educational development...a living educational theory will be produced from such accounts’ (Whitehead, 1989, p.41).

Further down you have missed a full stop after - (Whitehead, 1989, p.43)

Additionally, I would like to know your understanding of ‘the living educational theory’ and why it is applicable to your study. What is needed is the combination of these links in to your story so that you can explicate evidence of your learning and growth.

In the lines-

Over the course of this research I documented and analysed my work to see my ‘values in action’ as I worked to improve my practice and influence the learning of others through dialogue and public scrutiny. In order to meet my standard of excellence it was necessary for me to consult regularly with others in order to ensure that the research could influence the learning of others and could create new knowledge that was valid.

As a reader would like to know what your – ‘values in action’ are. And also what you recognise as ‘standard of excellence’?

Please rework the following paragraph and two lines begin with ‘felt’ try another word.

I had felt strongly that I would like to create a video to support and empower NQTs in the area of classroom management. I felt, from my own experience, that NQTs needed support on their own terms and that they needed to be able to access this assistance without fear of repercussions so that they could engage critically with the content. NQTs can feel that asking for assistance would create a perception that they are unable to cope and jeopardise continuing employment (Department of Education and Science,2006, p.89).

Page 7 last paragraph

I had some reservations about filming in the classroom, however, and I discussed these with my validation group when we met and with my critical friends. I was concerned about the ethical considerations of videoing students, I felt that in filming the students and teachers I would have a particular motivation but that once I shared the video publicly, it could be used in ways that I had not anticipated. I was worried that the stakeholders trust in me could be compromised if I were to share the video publicly. I had to choose between videoing students and teachers and sharing the video as I wished.

You do not need ‘however’ and ‘and’ you could write two sentences.

I was concerned about the ethical considerations of videoing students, I felt that in filming the students and teachers I would have a particular motivation but that once I shared the video publicly, it could be used in ways that I had not anticipated.

There are two ideas expressed there is a jump in content and flow here. I suggest you break it up for clarity.

Page 8

My validation group had experience of this as they worked with vulnerable groups also and they proposed ways of overcoming the issue. As our dialogue progressed, however, it became clear that I was also reluctant to film in my workplace as it empowered the organisation with the means to prevent me from achieving my aims. Filming would be dependent on the permissions of the organisation and this could lead to the content being compromised also.

How would the contents be compromised? However, I like your arguments that follow in the next two paragraphs.

In the paragraph reading- At the end of this period of reflection and dialogue…

At the same time I wanted to ensure that the video would be of specific value to Irish teachers – but Irish teachers across a range of educational contexts.

I do not understand the use of ‘but’

Page 9 the quote –

Entertainment is certainly not inimical to learning, nor does it…

Merely changing the font size is not effective I would suggest you continue with the font of the same size but put it in italics and indent.

At the bottom of the page you have introduced us to the idea of ‘a beginning routine’. What exactly is it, as a reader I would really like to know especially since it was ‘most effective’.

Page 10

I suggest you rewrite the sentence-

I needed to check whether I was becoming a living contradiction (Whitehead, 1989) espousing the very values of the system that I was supposed to be working to change. I needed to ask myself who would benefit from my approach and whether I was promoting control without cause.

‘I needed to check’ requires more lucidity. Can you give us evidence for this?

Additionally you have started two consequent sentences with ‘I needed’. Please find another word.

The following pages, that is, the making of the video are clear but I do not see enough of ‘you’.

This is a paper falls into two parts the first is engagement with pedagogy and second with the creating of a video. What is necessary is the joining of two. I would also like to see both flowing into one another. The life comes into this paper for me in the latter sections and not the first.

Accept with revisions