What you have to say is very important and I really want to see your ideas communicating through EJOLTs. The more I read of your paper the more I felt you were squashing many papers into one small place and if it were not for my good fortune in having met you and learned of your work you would have lost me. As I read I write some of the conversation I am having with you (in my head) as comments. I hope you can read them with my desire to see your work communicating to as wide an audience as possible.
I would like to ask you to do four things:
- To put your proposed paper into the open review space on the EJOLTS web so the other reviewer and I can work with you together.
-To consider a 'smaller' focus for a redrafted paper. Start with you and what you really want me to understand - just one thing not your whole thesis, remember I have limited experiences to draw on and I might be able to eat an elephant - but not when it is all on the plate in one go at one sitting.
-Break away from thinking you have to write in an 'academic' style for this to be an academic and scholarly paper. You, your embodied knowledge, your African Voice and weave expressed with your voice, poetry, images and video could communicate your ideas and have a much greater educational influence in my learning and that of others and social formations than the diagrams you have used. Have a flick through your paper - you only have one image of your Mum and Grandmother all the other images are stylised representations. I dont even know what your African cloth looks like.
-Send me [post here] a rough redraft ever so soon - not a finished paper - as I have so many things I want to know and I am impatient to learn. I also hope that if you write to me I will hear your voice - the real you that I met in The Bear - and I hope knowing your audience personally will help you writing your paper.
Enjoy a smile and pass it on
Unlike Marie, I have not had the pleasure of meeting you but from reading your draft I am intrigued by your story. I agree with Marie that you need to reduce your focus and clarify for yourself your message to us.
The loom and the weaving of your cloth is a very powerful metaphor to use and could be threaded more strongly throughout your paper. To me, all your experiences are brought into this process of weaving what is not doubt an unfinished cloth - you.
I look forward to your next draft.
I agree with your other two respondents. This is a most interesting paper, and speaking for myself, the extended metaphor of the weaving of cloth works very well for me. I also really like the way that you build up your diagrams relating to the cloth. I didn't have time to click on many of your links, but appreciate your putting them in there to substantiate the points that you are making.
Coming from a country where there is debate about whether there can be something as generalised as 'a Maori voice' I found your claims for 'the African voice' challenging, especially considering the size of the continent and the diversity of nations there. But that makes me want to read more about this; it is great to see 'African voices' weaving their perspectives into the ongoing narratives of the academy. If you're interested in further literature at all, you might find Linda Tuhiwai Smith's second edution (2012) of "Decolonizing Methodologies: Research and Indigenous Peoples" a useful text.
Like Marie, I felt that in parts the narrative becomes cluttered with extraneous material - loose threads on the surface of the cloth, if you will, that are not necessary to the smooth weaving of your cloth. If you can remove some of these so that it is a clearer 'read' for your audience I think that will really strengthen your paper.
All the best for the next iteration!
Es gefällt mir ausgesprochen gut, wie Sie die Ideen von Eric Berne und Thomas A.Harris in der lebendigen Theorie integrieren, um Ihre Werte und Prinzipien handelnd umsetzen. Ihre Ausführungen zeugen von auffallender Charakterstärke und ich wünsche Ihnen alles Gute, in der Hoffnung, dass Ihr wichtiger Beitrag zum Humanismus veröffentlicht wird.
"Man sieht nur mit dem Herzen gut" aus: "Der kleine Prinz" und "Der Friede ist ein Baum, der eines langen Wachstums bedarf" von Antoine de Saint - Exupery
Beste Grüße aus Deutschland
Dear Ian. With great pleasure and admiration I have read your very significant and optimistic report. You describe the experience of living through the insightful and responsible cycle from its hidden roots to the flowering of the tree; you tell of the birth, growth, maturity and unswerving learning process throughout your account. Goethe said, "Theory doesn't replace practice because we learn most from our own experiences".
I really liked how you integrated the ideas of Eric Berne and Thomas A. Harris into your own living theory, as you revealed your values and principles in action. Your achievements demonstrate such strength and I wish you all the best, in the hope that your important contribution to humanism will be published.
"One only really sees with the heart."
Peace is a tree, that requires a long time to grow."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery.
Best wishes from Germany.