submission â€The Gift of Creating Knowledge of the Self and the Worldâ€™.
Told my submission has been sent for review but I should have started a strand here - so here it is -
Hope the sun is shining somewhere
This article deals with issues that are fundamental and critical to all education: to create knowledge of the self and the world, to be responsible for ones own learning, and to use the knowledge to enhance the wellbeing of the greater community. It would serve every educator to incorporate these values. The teacher about whom Marie writes had the courage and support to guide two of her students to really take responsibility for their learning and this skillful reporting of this example could help more timid teachers take the risk of encouraging and empowering their own students to be more responsible for their own learning
Marie allows us to know quite well the theory which guided her in this study and what supported the teacher in her work. Her goals are to help embed the fundamental values into the educational system for all students. She shares her image with us.
I am concerned that she too often overstates her position. I found myself distracted by too many words. What she has to say is so vital and important that it does not need embellishment, but would be more effective if it were stated simply. Much of the power of the ideas get lost in the explanation and a sense of justification. The work she supports is essential not only for the gifted but for all students everywhere.
I realize others may find the title just fine and it is my problem. With that in mind, I would try to suggest another title. . .here it is:
â€The Gift of Creating Knowledge of the Self and the Worldâ€™.
I enjoyed reading your paper and am responding in what I refer to as a 'live' dialogue.Â I hope my review can help stretch the writing in some places.
Many thanks for giving my submission such careful, considered attention. I really appreciate your honest and very helpful criticisms offered so sensitively. I need time to think about what you have both said and reweave the account to see if I can understand better what I am trying to say and communicate it more clearly. I am also working on some other things at the moment and what you have both said are already making me pause and I will now rework those as well with your voices to help me. Again many thanks and I will post my next attempt as soon as I can.
Hope your day is smiling
Many thanks Dona and Jacqueline for your extraordinary helpful responses to my draft. What you said made me really focus with fresh eyes and critically engage with what the account and I realised I hadnâ€™t really understood myself. That you got something from the draft is a testament to your ability and patience to go beyond what I had put to what you thought I might be trying to say and reflect that back to me.
Attached is the next iteration. I hope it is getting clearer.
Many thanks again for your help and I hope when you read this draft you feel your efforts have been fruitful.
Enjoy a smile
Iâ€™ve now read through your revised paper and greatly appreciate how you have sought to clarify your purpose in writing the paper. For me the text is greatly enhanced by the level of explanation you have included and I feel much more engaged with the body of your writing. From this perspective then I would say â€publishâ€™.
I would however like to share a further reflection, catalysed by my discomfort with your Abstract. As I write this I wonder out loud whether my expectations are misguided but I do expect to hear a clear and explicit summary that will enable me to navigate effectively through the detail. Iâ€™m not sure if the awkwardness is due to content or simply style. I read in the first sentence that the â€focus of this paper is creative educational practiceâ€™ which sounds like a very wide remit but I am uncertain of your specific intent for the paper. In the final sentence of the Abstract I read that you are exemplifying a â€living approach to accountabilityâ€™ - and am left to wonder how the two connect. I miss the â€Iâ€™ and have insufficient pointers to tell me just where you are heading. Do you feel I am asking â€too muchâ€™ of an Abstract?
When you say, 'Iâ€™m not sure if the awkwardness is due to content or simply style.' I think you are being very diplomatic. My initial thought is 'is the lack of clarity of the abstract may be due to my confused thinking in the paper?' I will have a fresh read of the paper first with the points you have made and then see whether it is just the abstract that needs working on. Thanks for your very clear analysis as to where your discomfort is in reading the abstract. Gives me a handle on where to start.
Hope your day is smiling